Well newgrounds, I've finally found the happiness that has been long missing from my life. I've done quite a bit of soul searching in the last week, just to see who was left out there that really cared about what I felt. Well, I was rather suprised, many of the girls that I talked to were very open to helping me with my depression. Honestly, I wouldn't have this posted on my page right now if it weren't for them helping me through all this.

And then there's the fact that I've finally found love in my life, after 16 years of searching for it. A few of you already have heard me say this (reed, sashuno, etc.), but recently I've gotten together with a good friend that I've known for a good while now and that I really care for. She cares for me back, and we're very happy together. these past few days with her have been some of the happiest and most joyous in my whole life, I never knew that love could make one feel so elated.

Because I've very recently found out that a lot of people still care for me, when before I thought that no one did, and mainly because I've found pure happiness with the person I love, I've felt much much better the past couple days.

And I also want to take the time to thank those who supported me.

Sashuno, for helping me through this on AIM, you really can give some good advice when you want to. Now, its my turn to help you find happiness with someone you care for.

Reed, for just being the great and open guy that you are, and never once getting down on me. You have a positive attitude, and I know you'll always help me out.

Skybolt, for taking the time to listen to all that was swirling around in my mind on MSN at the time of my greatest depression. You helped me so much that day by supporting me, and it just made me feel even more accepted by those around me.

I've finally found the happiness that I've long yearned for, and I thank all of those who supported me through the tough times, and those who continue to bring me happiness, especially the girl I truly love the most.

Edit: lol level 13.

I guess you could all say the following haikus would describe my emotional state as of this moment. yes, I am a haiku poet, you probably didn't know. Warning: depressing.

As I watch love,
I sit alone, unnurtured,
love-struck by hate.

How can I go home,
when home has got up and left?
She was my roof and walls.

I reach our to grasp,
but hold nothing; emptiness,
will it ever be there?

how could she drive away,
when she didn't have the means?
maybe I gave her the wheels...

Will I ever be loved?
Dunno, its hard to say,
when no one loves me back.

A heart isn't always pure,
sometimes black, broken, abused...
filled with hate and anger.

the knife, the scissors,
how they tempt me to use them,
for more than just paper.
______________________________________

But tonight I've found hope, hope for the future, hope that depression will release me from it crushing claws, hope that someone out there still cares about me. This convo basically sums up this newfound hope of mine.

I've edited out her full name and screen name for reasons entirely of my own, plus the factor of privacy.

and for all the faggots out there who are thinking "wow, what a fag this guy is for posting this kinda stuff in his blog, especially with a pic of a lovey-dovey conversation with a girl he knows," you people can just get the fuck off my profile now, I don't even want to hear your opinions. If you comment in this fashion, your comments will be deleted straight away. If the fact that I've finally found some form of compassion with another person is just a complete and total laugh to you, then you're the scum of the earth in my eyes, and I do hope that god smites you down the next chance he gets.

So that's it Newgrounds, a little happiness out of an overwhelming case of depression. I'm hoping that this will lead to better feeling down the road.

Its only cheating unless you get caught.

yeah, I know my last post didn't last very long, but events have forced me to make a new one.

as I said, I just downloaded MSN Messenger at Skybolt's request. So to those I know that use it, well, add me at onepiece285@yahoo.com, and to those I don't know, well, whatever. Add me if you want.

Also, if you use Yahoo! Messenger, I am under onepiece285, if you ever want to chat, or whatever.

And yes Skybolt, I suppose I'm glad I finally got MSN.

edit: FUCK STANDARDIZED TESTSSSSSS JSVYEBNGCACSEBT

What is the sound of one hand clapping? Amuse me with your witty remarks.

Go nuts!

...Who were watching a flag flapping in the wind. The first monk said, "the flag is moving." then the second monk said, "no, the wind is moving." After which the third monk said, "no, the mind is moving."

Which monk is right? discuss.

It was rather enjoyable, certainly a break from the normal activities of my life. Disney World is definitely one of the best places I've ever been to, hands down. My hotel was amazing, excellent pool, we were right next to a lake, hot tubs, the works.

The amusement parks were good. rides were very nice, especially Space Mountain and Expedition Everest. Soarin' was also enjoyable (for those who don't know, its basically a big IMAX movie, but they sit you right in front of the screen so it's like you're flying), as was Test Track, which simulates the tests that cars go through.

the one thing that pissed me off about my spring break vacation was the fact that it was damn cold in the morning and at night, every single day I was there. and I'm not talking about the high 50s or whatever is considered cold down there, I'm talking like it was 42 degrees my second day there. 42 FUCKING DEGREES IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA, you tell me what's not right there.

all in all though, it was a splendid trip. I needed a vacation, mainly because I haven't really been on one in 2 years...

how was your spring break Newgrounds? Or what are you planning on doing if you're yet to go on break?

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Skybolt, Sashuno and I miss you on chaosboards.

By the way, you people should really care what Skybolt's going through. for fuck's sake, someone was killed. I'd think that's enough for you people to care even in the slightest. No more of all this "ooh moar pix pl0x," because its not doing any good. actually try to give a damn about what happened, you'd feel the same way if it happened to you. Then you all go and post comments like "oh, you're telling us not to be dicks when you don't post porn in ONE damn news post?" it's shit like that that really makes me believe that people out there just don't care in the slightest about other people's problems.

It would seem you're more worried about the porn in the news post than the information (if any is presented) that is posted. If you're that deeply concerned about seeing porn, take it to a google image search or something. When he posted that news post without a pic, I posted a serious reply, and so did Sashuno, because we're caring friends. I hope to god that some of you do actually care about what has happened. If you do, then I commend you, you have succeeded in breaking away from the Newgrounds norm.

On a lighter note, Sashuno, I'm helping promote your forums by advertising. sign up people, it could be a much better forum if it had strength in numbers.

Also there was an interesting discussion today about childbirth and the cutting open of a women's uterus on Paltalk. It was quite hilarious. meh.

and its about time you're a dude again Skybolt.

now let's see here, what should I make this one about...

I guess I'm kinda pissed that all you people out there who spammed my catgirl discussion topic got it locked. I guess my half-wit attempts at some normalcy in a discussion thread were too much for you to handle. but oh well. boo hoo. I'll live.

and reed, did you really have to bring in the catboys?

so I suppose you can all continue the discussion here, or on Skybolt's page. he's probably the better man to seek out for catgirls, not me.

or you could contact Sashuno, he's got a few images.

or you could sign up on the forum he runs. good day to you all.

related image.

honestly, the guy is amazing at making techno songs. take a visit to the audio portal, go to techno, and you'll see at least three of his songs in the top 50 at any given time. I decided that because I'm so in to his creations, that I'd download them and put them on winamp. I have also put them onto iTunes and my iPod. so nowadays when I'm supposed to be paying attention in math class (as if I did in the first place), I'm sitting in the back listening to Twilight Techno or Frozen In Black And Silver or something. now I have all of his techno songs, and I can definitely say with 100% confidence, Dimrain47 is a fucking god.